Perimenopause isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park.
If I've ever given the impression that you should expect the transition through perimenopause and it's graduation to post menopause to be easy or challenge free, I apologise.
It's not.
It's not meant to be easy.
BUT also it is not meant to be so bad that you suffer, physically, mentally, emotionally. Unfortunately, plenty of women do suffer.
What it's meant to be is stretchy. Irritating. Uncomfortable.
Why? Because you're outgrowing your current skin, which is tight and needs shedding.
I very much doubt you would be fagged to shed your outdated skin and step into a new level of you if it still felt comfortable and pleasant, right?
In an ideal world, your body would be resourced and your nervous system flexible enough to allow the physical shifts of perimenopause to run their course so that your focus can be on the emotional, mental and spiritual side of the transformation. Because that needs space and your attention.
There is a lovely analogy I was told. In essence:
The shell of a lobster cannot expand with the lobster as it grows.
So when it is time for the lobster to grow, it needs to get rid of its old shell, get it off however lobsters do that, and develop a new one.
It knows to do that because it feels tight and super uncomfortable, and restrictive - it's being squeezed and squeezed and it has to make that stop.
So off it goes to a quiet place to shed its shell.
Once that's off, it's just a blob of lobster, which is an incredibly vulnerable stage, so it hides and protects itself while it grows its shiny new bigger shell.
Once it has its new, bigger shell it can go back into the world, grown and expanded.
image by James Lee
We are able to go through this shedding and growth at any point of our lives. As the Rabbi says, generally times of adversity are times of growth and if you look back you'll recognise that.
And yet, so many women don't recognise these opportunities and stay in their older shell, feeing under pressure and wondering what is wrong with them.
Personally, I believe that perimenopause is a massive invitation to be that lobster, jettisoning our old, smaller shell and being vulnerable while our new one develops. We can do this at any point but the changing hormones and internal environment seems to be a portal for transformation.
Let me give you an example of what that might look like. This is my personal version:
I run a business alone. I love what I do and I want to serve women and support them with my expertise but also I want to run away and hide in a cave.
Because, in order to serve the women I want to help, I have to sell myself and what I offer, all the time. That means putting myself out there in a way that feels incredibly intense because it requires shed loads of confidence, self belief and self trust.
Guess what I have struggled with all my life? Low confidence, self believe and self trust.
So in perimenopause I am really meeting my edge. I have worked on my confidence in my life but in my mid 40's now, the need to overcome this feels so much stronger. My shell is feeling really uncomfortable right now. There is an internal battle going on between one half of me which wants to stay safe and familiar in the comfy smallness because the idea of being big is so scary, but it also feels incredibly lonely and frustrating, and the other part of me which wants to break free and be big and full and THERE and is so ready to let go of the smallness, which seemingly has such a tight grip.
You will have your own unique version of this. It could be similar to mine, it could be very different. But it will be there.
This is the way that perimenopause is not supposed to be easy.
Our system is pushing us to grow and recognise our power and our beautiful uniqueness. Because we are supposed to shine brightly in our absolute individuality, in our messy, singular weirdness (but we've been shaped and boxed in all our lives, and that feels familiar). If we felt the same cosy easiness all the time we would have no catalyst, there would be no momentum, we would be coasting.
I don't know about you but I'm not here to coast.
What I'm here to do is help you find as much calm and ease in your body with my functional medicine training, nutritional therapy and hypnosis. To show you how to build up your physical resilience, build up your reserves, so that you can adapt and be resourced and able to work with these deeper pieces at play.
So that you can shed your skin and protect yourself through the vulnerable bits while I hold your hand, maybe with the help of hypnotherapy, so you can shine brightly in your new skin.
This is where SO much of the magic is.
I'm not going to through this alone. I don't have close girlfriends around me in Bruton, so I'm buffering that loneliness by making sure I'm getting support elsewhere, leaning on friends via voice notes and with CranioSacral therapy, which for me is incredibly supportive. A particular shout out to Beverly Katz, Leanne Rose and Brittany Wittig who provide me with precious grounding and infinite wisdom.
You don't have to do it alone either. You shouldn't have to. Seek out your girlfriends who make you feel held and heard. Get the acupuncture and the somatic support. Go to the circles. Find those people who help you feel grounded.
And if you need to, I'm here too.
The discomfort and pressure isn't because there's something wrong with you - you're growing.
If you're suffering physically, please know that there is SO much that can be done to bring ease and calm back into your body, and mind.
Here's to shedding what is no longer serving us, to shedding what is holding us back 🙌🏻.
I'd love to hear from you if you resonate with this.
Love
Bean x